How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
