Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
