I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
