broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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