I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
