recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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