I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
