then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
