whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
