3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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