There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
God, I missed his penis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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