I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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