My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
