At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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