I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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