theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
