I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
