Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
