The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
