..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
