I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
