Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
