I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
