I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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