I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
