His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
