He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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