sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my liver is dry heaving
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
