I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ok first of all what the fuck
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
