i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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