Hey man sorry I got all grabby
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
