omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
