Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
