I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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