My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
