omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
