six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
