Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
