apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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