so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
3pm strippers are depressing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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