AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
