planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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