This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
