All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
