Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
