This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
