I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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