just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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