Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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