Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
